End of a time.

So Monday was my last day at work. Packing everything up and having a bit of fun. But now I am completely unemployed. I also finished uni last friday too, so I genuinely have nothing to do right now.

I guess I'd say that I would make the most of the sunshine, but it actually started to hail today so that's out of the question. I will be looking for a new flat and a new job at some point but right now, I'm at my mum's house recouping and spending time with my family. I am heading back tomorrow so that's when the action starts!

As you might have guessed from the above, everything that has been a constant in my life for the last year or so is over. I am unemployed, I have no studying to do and I have to move out of the flat that me and Luke made a home over the last year. It sucks, it really does. And right now I am feeling like a bit of a failure. I also wonder if my relationship with Luke can last much longer once he leaves.

Saturday evening.

Spent the evening feeling sad for no apparent reason. Perhaps mourning the loss of the relationship I really wanted, perhaps mourning the things that are yet to come.

Either way it was eye opening and I think I will try to appreciate things more now, and use my time better. If I can. Sometimes I feel so hopeless that I wonder what it is that keeps me going.

It's hard to explain what it's like sometimes, being sad. Sometimes I'm sad for no reason, and beat myself up about it because no one is sad for no reason. That's just stupid. Sometimes I am sad for something silly, like I have to clean up again.

Or I remember what it's like to be a failure.

Looking forward to the sunshine!

So as of late, I have just been hanging in there. Waiting for the summer. There's lots to look forward to!

I have managed to find myself a flatmate (Chrystal) so hopefully we'll be finding a flat this month to move into mid-June. Adam's coming back and Ingrid following and there's the prospect of perhaps going abroad! I can't decide where to yet - I might be going to Turkey with Mum but I want to travel somewhere on my own, perhaps visiting someone in a different country. Sounds exciting to me!

Other than that, just revising for my exam and getting my final project done. I will be finished by the 21st of May, and then I can just bum about - perhaps find another job also, seeing as I will be losing mine pretty soon!

Also, check out my little brother Elliot in his latest kickboxing match - he is in the red trousers with black stripes. He won, in case you couldn't tell! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GY1f3giPD48

I'm not sure if anyone even reads this blog but I guess putting stuff down in text is mildly cathartic.

Peas xxxt

new beginnings.

So pretty much nothing has happened since my last post in September. University is going fine, I have basically finished my first year (bar a few assignments and an exam in May) and I am pondering what to do with myself until uni starts again next September. I figured I might get a full time job - but then when I go back to uni, I won't have the flexible hours that I have at the moment. Choices choices.

This year, I decided 2010 was the ideal time to decide to make myself the person I want to be. First things first - start with the body. I have spent the last 3 months eating better, have cut out all junk foods and things high in sugar, and have started eating more salads and portioning things better. I have also started to ease myself into eating more brown things, like rice, pasta and bread. I read up on diets that are best for people with PCOS and complex carbs were a major point, along with things low in fat, obviously. So hopefully that will help. 5 pounds practically dropped off me, but then that was it, so I joined the gym on monday. Just been doing a lot of cardio so far, getting my fitness levels up and so on. One day I'll go when all the men aren't crowded around the weights so I can have a go :) So we'll see how that goes. Probably coincidence but when I jumped on the scales tuesday morning I'd lost another pound. Fingers crossed I hit my goal by June :)

I have also spent a lot of time thinking recently. Perhaps too much. I have come to some conclusions - some very upsetting. The main one was that moving in with Luke completely changed our dynamic and I don't like it. I can't live with him. It's much too hard, he knows this too. Perhaps it's a good thing then that I'll have to move home at the end of June. I actually can't think of anything worse than moving home. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but it's moving out that made me realise that I did and gave me the chance to have a really great relationship with my Mum. Moving back will probably leave me with zero independence (again) and I'll have to travel so much more, which irritates me. I was really hoping that someone would have a spare room for me somewhere but it turns out that either no one wants to live with me, or everyone made plans a long time ago that didn't include me. *sigh* I guess I'll have to suck it up! Or find my own place. Just had a quick look on gumtree and found some flats for 350 a month which is affordable for me. We'll see!

So yeah. That's me I guess. Lates.

Milky Bar yoghurts and a cup of tea.

So today sees the end of the first week as a fresher at uni. And it's not agreeing with me. These early mornings and late nights will be the death of me...but I have got my timetable for the 5th of October onwards and it looks pretty darn good.
Monday: 12-2pm, Environmental Management. 3-5, Introducing Human Geographies.
Tuesday: 10am-1pm, Term 2 only, Field Activities.
Wednesday: Nowt.
Thursday: Nowt.
Friday: 10am-12pm, Principles of Sustainability. 12pm-3pm, Geographical Concepts and Practice.
So while I have to do a lot of boring things, I get like 3 days off a week. Good times. I do also have to pay £3000 for the privilege. Bad times.
I wonder what the point is sometimes though, getting this degree. I mean, once I've got it I may have a few more letters after my name and another qualification...but it wont give me the edge. And I'll be in debt. I do get despondent sometimes but I guess I just have to continue reminding myself that these 3 years in education are 3 more years that I don't have to get a full time job for. Chica chica yeeeeah!!!
I have spent the last week swinging between wanting to stay in bed all the time and wanting to go out and have a great time, getting drunk and doing naughty things. I have been a little ill, the Metformin I'm taking has side effects of giving you a dodgy tummy for like 2 weeks and unfortunately I am edhering to the statistics on this one. But I have been doing research about PCOS and metformin, and I learned that eating low GI foods can help me and also aid the process of losing weight. While this means that with a little shopping and lot of effort, I may start to actually look like a real person instead of Mr Blobby, it also means I have to eat stuff like Luke does. Like porridge, whole grain bread, cereal bars and museli. Mmmmm delish! I will feel like a squirrel by the end of it. Blergh.
So my loan came in today. Cheeky £2000? Schwing. I'm torn between buying a new phone or buying myself some style. I might have to go for style seeing as I'm fed up of wearing the same 4 tshirts. I am not very impressed with the choice in Topshop or H&M anymore though, they just miss the target every time and make things either too boring (H&M...) or too stupid and expensive (Topshop, every time. And who even likes the Kate Moss stuff anymore?) so I might have to try and find somewhere else to shop. No mean feat!
Anywho. It's time to go shower and buy food. Lates x

Copying Adam...

I severely doubt that anyone who lives in the UK (or in fact, anyone at all...) is interested in the mindless blah that I have to offer, but Adam created a blog so I want one too :D

So I've done Thailand, I've got a flat and I'm living with the boy. What's next? Uni, of course. So far I have no feelings about this other than intrigue - what will it be like? Will I fit in? Will I make any friends? Will I enjoy the course? Well. To satisfy my curiosity I actually went on the MMU website to really REALLY look at the prospectus and check out what I'll be doing in each year of the course. So far, it looks pretty good, first year is the basics and getting to grips with the way uni works, second year I believe I have the option to study in the US or Australia (that will be something to think about!) and third year I don't want to think about too much because it's too far away. Haha.

Other than the one book I've bought for my course, I've not really done much else to prepare myself...seeing as uni starts in a few weeks I should probably get myself sorted. It will come to me as I require it I guess.

Along with a lot of worrying about money and life in general, I've just been working as much as Faith allows me to and dossing about at the flat with Luke. He's been trying to get me to work out (with him as personal trainer) but so far I have refused. Living in the flat is awesome; it's damp and small but for now, it's OURS and that's good enough for me. Life with Luke was difficult at first, but now we've sort of settled into a routine and learned more about each other in terms of mood and things like that. I believe that there is a lot more to learn about life though, all I know how to do so far is housework, food shopping and paying bills (although even that's messed up at the moment...stupid British Gas!!)

For now I think I'll leave it; I have nothing else of worth to comment on. I might update when I feel like it, when I have something to say or when I'm just so goddamned bored I might die.

Peas x