End of a time.

So Monday was my last day at work. Packing everything up and having a bit of fun. But now I am completely unemployed. I also finished uni last friday too, so I genuinely have nothing to do right now.

I guess I'd say that I would make the most of the sunshine, but it actually started to hail today so that's out of the question. I will be looking for a new flat and a new job at some point but right now, I'm at my mum's house recouping and spending time with my family. I am heading back tomorrow so that's when the action starts!

As you might have guessed from the above, everything that has been a constant in my life for the last year or so is over. I am unemployed, I have no studying to do and I have to move out of the flat that me and Luke made a home over the last year. It sucks, it really does. And right now I am feeling like a bit of a failure. I also wonder if my relationship with Luke can last much longer once he leaves.

Saturday evening.

Spent the evening feeling sad for no apparent reason. Perhaps mourning the loss of the relationship I really wanted, perhaps mourning the things that are yet to come.

Either way it was eye opening and I think I will try to appreciate things more now, and use my time better. If I can. Sometimes I feel so hopeless that I wonder what it is that keeps me going.

It's hard to explain what it's like sometimes, being sad. Sometimes I'm sad for no reason, and beat myself up about it because no one is sad for no reason. That's just stupid. Sometimes I am sad for something silly, like I have to clean up again.

Or I remember what it's like to be a failure.

Looking forward to the sunshine!

So as of late, I have just been hanging in there. Waiting for the summer. There's lots to look forward to!

I have managed to find myself a flatmate (Chrystal) so hopefully we'll be finding a flat this month to move into mid-June. Adam's coming back and Ingrid following and there's the prospect of perhaps going abroad! I can't decide where to yet - I might be going to Turkey with Mum but I want to travel somewhere on my own, perhaps visiting someone in a different country. Sounds exciting to me!

Other than that, just revising for my exam and getting my final project done. I will be finished by the 21st of May, and then I can just bum about - perhaps find another job also, seeing as I will be losing mine pretty soon!

Also, check out my little brother Elliot in his latest kickboxing match - he is in the red trousers with black stripes. He won, in case you couldn't tell! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GY1f3giPD48

I'm not sure if anyone even reads this blog but I guess putting stuff down in text is mildly cathartic.

Peas xxxt