End of a time.

So Monday was my last day at work. Packing everything up and having a bit of fun. But now I am completely unemployed. I also finished uni last friday too, so I genuinely have nothing to do right now.

I guess I'd say that I would make the most of the sunshine, but it actually started to hail today so that's out of the question. I will be looking for a new flat and a new job at some point but right now, I'm at my mum's house recouping and spending time with my family. I am heading back tomorrow so that's when the action starts!

As you might have guessed from the above, everything that has been a constant in my life for the last year or so is over. I am unemployed, I have no studying to do and I have to move out of the flat that me and Luke made a home over the last year. It sucks, it really does. And right now I am feeling like a bit of a failure. I also wonder if my relationship with Luke can last much longer once he leaves.

Saturday evening.

Spent the evening feeling sad for no apparent reason. Perhaps mourning the loss of the relationship I really wanted, perhaps mourning the things that are yet to come.

Either way it was eye opening and I think I will try to appreciate things more now, and use my time better. If I can. Sometimes I feel so hopeless that I wonder what it is that keeps me going.

It's hard to explain what it's like sometimes, being sad. Sometimes I'm sad for no reason, and beat myself up about it because no one is sad for no reason. That's just stupid. Sometimes I am sad for something silly, like I have to clean up again.

Or I remember what it's like to be a failure.

Looking forward to the sunshine!

So as of late, I have just been hanging in there. Waiting for the summer. There's lots to look forward to!

I have managed to find myself a flatmate (Chrystal) so hopefully we'll be finding a flat this month to move into mid-June. Adam's coming back and Ingrid following and there's the prospect of perhaps going abroad! I can't decide where to yet - I might be going to Turkey with Mum but I want to travel somewhere on my own, perhaps visiting someone in a different country. Sounds exciting to me!

Other than that, just revising for my exam and getting my final project done. I will be finished by the 21st of May, and then I can just bum about - perhaps find another job also, seeing as I will be losing mine pretty soon!

Also, check out my little brother Elliot in his latest kickboxing match - he is in the red trousers with black stripes. He won, in case you couldn't tell! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GY1f3giPD48

I'm not sure if anyone even reads this blog but I guess putting stuff down in text is mildly cathartic.

Peas xxxt

new beginnings.

So pretty much nothing has happened since my last post in September. University is going fine, I have basically finished my first year (bar a few assignments and an exam in May) and I am pondering what to do with myself until uni starts again next September. I figured I might get a full time job - but then when I go back to uni, I won't have the flexible hours that I have at the moment. Choices choices.

This year, I decided 2010 was the ideal time to decide to make myself the person I want to be. First things first - start with the body. I have spent the last 3 months eating better, have cut out all junk foods and things high in sugar, and have started eating more salads and portioning things better. I have also started to ease myself into eating more brown things, like rice, pasta and bread. I read up on diets that are best for people with PCOS and complex carbs were a major point, along with things low in fat, obviously. So hopefully that will help. 5 pounds practically dropped off me, but then that was it, so I joined the gym on monday. Just been doing a lot of cardio so far, getting my fitness levels up and so on. One day I'll go when all the men aren't crowded around the weights so I can have a go :) So we'll see how that goes. Probably coincidence but when I jumped on the scales tuesday morning I'd lost another pound. Fingers crossed I hit my goal by June :)

I have also spent a lot of time thinking recently. Perhaps too much. I have come to some conclusions - some very upsetting. The main one was that moving in with Luke completely changed our dynamic and I don't like it. I can't live with him. It's much too hard, he knows this too. Perhaps it's a good thing then that I'll have to move home at the end of June. I actually can't think of anything worse than moving home. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but it's moving out that made me realise that I did and gave me the chance to have a really great relationship with my Mum. Moving back will probably leave me with zero independence (again) and I'll have to travel so much more, which irritates me. I was really hoping that someone would have a spare room for me somewhere but it turns out that either no one wants to live with me, or everyone made plans a long time ago that didn't include me. *sigh* I guess I'll have to suck it up! Or find my own place. Just had a quick look on gumtree and found some flats for 350 a month which is affordable for me. We'll see!

So yeah. That's me I guess. Lates.